mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
