yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
