Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
