i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize