There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
