you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
