Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
