Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
