I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
