I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
