Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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