Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
