You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
