note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize