Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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