I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
