Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
