Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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