Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
