And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
