I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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