Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
