I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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