So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize