I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
