grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
