hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
