it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
