He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
