five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
