Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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