He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
