I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
