Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
