So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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