Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
