I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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