I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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