Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
