I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
