my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
