I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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