I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
