Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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