we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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