If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
