I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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