I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
