During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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