I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
