the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
