She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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