My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
