I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
