So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
