What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
