Banned from zoo.
Again?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
