Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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