I accidentally had phone sex last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
