Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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