Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
