don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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